Posted by: Sk | February 14, 2009

Chapter 8: Trap 348

I won’t say she’s a psychopath although I should suspect it. In any case, it’s good to do as if I may suspect such thing and properly test it. Why. It is obvious that the very fact of leaving some cut off pieces of a text without context in my surroundings is some kind of rape. Even texts and sentences are requests that should have a context, and a proper one. Say, sit down in front of someone and ask: “What did you mean by these things?” Or: “Did you write it? If not, where did you get it from?” It’s obvious that taken from the point of view of medical ethics the territory of the doctor restrains itself to an office. To take a whole prison – on top – for a private property from the point of view of science, is a proper invasion of territory. You leave something around without anyone’s permission: a rape. It’s obvious. On top, it is an evidence that the meaning of the text has already been determined in some obscure and obtuse context of interpretation: a murder. My life is myself, who is me in what I think and what I say. My life is possible only if who I’m is given some proper environment to breathe (correct interpretation), to eat (possible adequate feedback) and to sleep (not absolute in determination of saying). The fact of robbing me out of all this: wrong interpretation, no feedback, pretension to absolute determination in meaning in time for identity, is a murder.

Sask, you’re a raper and a murder. At least this would be what you’d say, if you were me. But I’m not you, luckily. It’s true that she was very polite today, which means that my surrepticious abstract accusations have hit some part of some unconscious. Good sign. Thus, I’m not going to dictate a judgement so quickly, but make some test.

Today, I’m going to become a little bit more wicked. Instead of leaving texts without comment, I’m going to leave some accidentally and coincidentally forgotten comment. She’ll believe. It’s the patterns of her own lies, yesterday. I was supposed to believe it.

“I hope she doesn’t have any problems with her computer today. Say, I always forget everything everywhere. Must have some problem with concentration. But what. That one doesn’t know anything about love anyhow. Should make some deeper reading of things. Perhaps I should give her my other cd *** to read, the one with the love story Hannah had written. It should still be there, in my room. It’s years I haven’t gone through it.”

I’m sure she’ll take it when I’m sleeping. That would make even a thief out of her. Violation of private space and illegal appropriation of private property. And after they want to accuse you of things. Such people.

In fact, it’s true that I felt much better today. I felt I was getting out of my psychic isolation as in the morning a cd, I usually keep under the pillow – just in case – had fallen the side of the wall down to the floor. As I wanted to get it back after stating it was missing in my morning’s control, I had to move the bed away from the wall. And what do I discover. Some writing with lipsstick, pink to fuchsia, saying: “coffee is miserable”. Ah, such a truth that without reaching heights like the one of Galilee’s turning around world, seemed even more true from a subjective point of view as it really but really was what I was thinking myself all the time. It makes you feel psychic relationships to unknown and I must say, that the very fact of writing it under the level of the bed does very much fit my own character, too. I haven’t said anything yet, either. Must be a cousin of mine, a very far one. I would have never used a lipstick for that (I haven’t any, by the way) – and what, haven’t I enough accusations on my head in order to get a ‘damage of public property’ on top. That one, for sure, had less accusations pending in order to dare such a step forward.

I any case I had to prove in the morning that I knew my passport data by heart, perhaps they’re verifying whether I’m not using some false identity. Imagine I have just stolen a passport for other reasons and, bad luck, the one was researched by 567 international police officers. Perhaps that is my only crime – to look as if I knew my passport data by heart, although they’re really mine, unluckily. I’m not going to escape responsibilities. What can I do. So many crimes and see, it’s an evidence that I’m neither a raper nor a murder. I’d never leave papers all around like that or only in Israel.

It’s easy to see why. It allows theologically the ‘eye for eye’ and ‘tooth for tooth’. Thus, what I wouldn’t do by myself is justified as an answer to a similar behaviour. And what. My beautiful text is certainly not to be understood the same way you have understood the one she left all around. Which is to say, I’m bad, but not wicked.

As she must have gone through all my legal literature yesterday – if she closed an eye tonight, the poor -, and she very much looked like it (I wouldn’t suspect a love affair, seen the type), she must know that I’m already and again innocent of stealing pictures and logos and other misbehaviours of the kind. Not that it is very ethical, I admit, but they have robbed me out of everything, even my university titles and they don’t answer to claim. There is reason, there is more than reason, and on top, I’m respecting law, national idiosincrasy and behaviour and for the rest, I don’t have to care about. I mean, if you don’t like it. On top, don’t say Sask, but Israel hasn’t signed the international agreements on intellectual property, either. So.

It’s true that my demonstration of innocence concerning rapes and murders (now, that one) is perhaps not scientific. But it should be a hint to be considered. If it weren’t, there are no proofs, either, and people have a lot of fantasy. I mean, even reasons to make up things. I would have been a little bit more careful with the accusations – they tend to turn themselves against the one who accuses and certainly will finish by leaving proofs.

I’m not going to spend my time explaining that the dealing with psychopaths is a dangerous job. They have a peculiar language. They may consider a rape the very fact of insisting in leaving some unproper activity, for example. You better be careful with them. And specify the type of witness before running into such expenses.

I was said that I may receive letters twice a week. On Monday and Thursday. That’s good news. I asked for ’skype’ and was said that internet connection is not available. Well, I won’t spend my money in phone calls. But, I have the right my letters not to be seen through. Which is not the same for packages, as they may contain forbidden objects. That’s good. Money can be sent through letters, too, and thus I didn’t even ask if I could do some job. It’s none of her concern, anyhow. Forget the webpages. But translations pay and even better. Whether it is possible to have something be bought from outside. If someone brings it. Well. I don’t know anyone here. And would certainly not go into the search of Shiri or Eymel in such a shameful situation. Perhaps I may convince my father of the fact that it is islamically absolutely necessary to travel to Jerusalem at least once in one’s life.

No texts, today. It may deviate her attention from my cd. Must be tired on top of that. Have to leave a time for her to rest.

Texts left in the computer


*** Ref.: “Angel’s wishes”


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