Posted by: Sk | February 17, 2009

Chapter 14: Execution

Or almost. I had a horrible dream tonight, I woke up not knowing whether I was already dead or not and that left some really horrible feeling on my tortured soul which had the following effect: I woke up smoking one cigarette after the other as if my execution sentence had already been pronounced, I see something was missing and yes, today, but it may be a routine I haven’t taken care of, I saw Sask running down the corridor, and I stopped her and said: “Do you accept bets?” Which she answered to with a somewhat puzzled eyebrow lift and I said, quite quickly I must say: “That if it is possible to get out some information from here and publish it through internet.” “That’s impossible,” she assured quite convinced. “If it is, you owe me a hamburguer and you don’t shoot me?” “I won’t shoot you,” she said, “but I don’t think so.”

After which I felt some kind of relief deriving from the fact that at least the claim my world stay in my movies and get a hamburguer before being shot be heard somewhere – which was perhaps not of need if I wasn’t shot. Thus it was perhaps not necessary to get the hamburguer at the end – but it was that, it was that which had troubled me so deeply in my dreams. Of course she is warned now, but that doesn’t change much to much idea, although it does to the consequences. It’s true that I always exagerate, but even if you weren’t shot for that, the very fact some papers leave the prison and become public would have evil consequences, of whatever nature. If she knows, it won’t, and at least I can go on with my intelligence test without night mares.

That’s it all, but you can’t learn it otherwise than this way. It’s obvious that I have made a slightest mistake in appreciation, which was perhaps deliberate, from a certain point of view, but which may cost you a great lot if you don’t readjust everything at once.

The day she tested 375 questions had certainly another purpose – which I knew, in the depth – kind of proving I was none and just pretending too much, although she should admit that the very fact of being able to collect so many different and interesting texts is of some kind of interest to, showing undoubtably some intelligence in the recognition of intelligence, were it my own, at the end. Exactly there, I counter attack with the wanting to prove the failure of her security system – hypocritically and innocently pretending it’s just a test of intelligence. You’re none. Mistake. What would cost me 7 days of isolation in a civil prison may be a condamnation to death in this one. I mean, it’s true that such a proof of power deserves perhaps 7 days of isolation but death … Don’t overdo things.

Luckily Maya’s severe injunction to consider the context, and it is true that the mentioning of the soldiers all around woke up some forlorn memories of some movies certainly or other situations with menacing soldiers in the wherabouts, which are probably at the origin of my frightening dream, obliged me  to reconsider strategies immediately and I’m not the kind to leave such a marvellous plan just as project. The only way I thought of allowing the realization of it, was to get an agreement. How? Exactly. They may shoot you without warning. I mean a common human does usually respect rules if if he is knowledge of them, and it is true that these poor people, men and women, have to go through three years military service -were it in radios- and are thus necessarily in knowledge of differing regulations. Which is though not my case. Such an idea to put a foreigner here to pick all the systems with developped telepathetic spy programs and psychic engines … Now, that’s their problem. Only the hinting at such a negligence -were it in a fantastic reference to movie traditions- may have as effect to get an agreement. How quick. But that’s what I say: you solve the problem intuitively before you know what it is about. You really think I had thought about all this before jumping on this poor officer. Who must still be surprised on the other hand, but what, I’m not going to tell her my sorrows, she’ll think I’m mad after all, and this will make things worse.

Such a problem and though luckily there are angels and dreams and such a good exercise. Because it is very quickly defining the problem, finally. It’s all my problem. I developped a logic which allows the ordering of reality in such a way that not only problems appear in a more accurate way, but makes solutions much easier. On the other hand, humankind is moving in some different logic I have to adapt to in order to survive and/or make myself understood. I had forgotten this logic in 2002. I think now, due to the effort to get the lines of Golden Virginia. What seems natural, just, moral and bright in my logic is certainly weird for all the rest and it is sometimes difficult to shift quickly enough from the one to the other. See the problem. Because if it were this alone, well, you take care. But if on top you have developped psychic awareness to the extent of madness in order to solve a problem intuitively, you’re the whole time running into situations where you perceive “danger of death” “intention of suicide” “murder project” etc, things you answer to in your own logic which has as effect that you must be all day perhaps putting yourself in execution situations.

It’s what I say. Even mistakes have some meaning and should be deeply thought of. Well. That’s it for today. At least I can go on with my strategy – if I prove that you’re none, Sask, you’ll have some more problems than myself to recover from depression. Finally I’m used to mistakes. You may be, but you don’t have the right to show, and that’s weaker defense. At the end I’ll buy the hamburger for her. It’s my way of pardonning other people’s life when they lay defeated on the ground.

You have a point, like myself, where you don’t see. I got aware of that one day when I almost put fire to the whole village in Greece. It was custom. Tzarakatzan used to cut very strong wood called ‘crana’ to walk around with their sheep. I had managed to get one, after so many years of effort, which I was very proud of, I must say. They usually burned these sticks in order to get the liquids out of it and make it last. Exercise I was making that day and kept looking at one side of the stick without seeing that fire was growing the other side. After, it was too late. I couldn’t switch it myself. I realized that I had a 5 seconds unawareness inside of my security system. Enough to burn down the village. Enough to get shot today. I saved the village myself as I told them to call the firemen, finally. Every person has somewhere 5 seconds retardment in readjustment. Enough to loose a war.

I have to divert attention. But in any case, I’m sure that my ‘void moment’, as I call it, has a lot to do with my anger against science, of which some proof in my today’s literature.

Texts left in the computer

https://paramana.wordpress.com/category/14-fia-ch-14/

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